"The most significant threat to our national security is our debt," Admiral Michael Mullen, Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff, August 27,2010

Monday, July 29, 2013

Help Wanted - U S Government Job Posting Board

 Date and timing:  Job opening anticipated in early 2014

Job Title:  Money Printer and Distributor – Obfuscator

Principal Job Task:  Bubble blowing disguised as serious economic management

Job Description/Requirements: 

1.     Principal function – oversee the printing and distribution of massive amounts of United States currency – dollars, in all denominations, without any accountability

2.    Principal function #2 – get Hillary elected president in 2016

3.    Secondary functions:

a.    Fight inflation
b.    Fight unemployment
c.    Fight naysayers
d.    Confuse congressional inquirers
e.    Appear at fancy meetings and conferences
f.     Present an authoritative  image via use of multi syllabic words and lengthy sentence construction

4.    Experience required – nothing practical – high academic standing most helpful

5.    Education – ideal candidates will have highest possible achievements in liberal arts curriculum (e.g. art history, English, economics, European history, etc.)  Advanced degree(s) in any of these fields of study are helpful but honorary degrees will be carefully considered (preference will be given to honorary degrees from eastern colleges and universities)

6.    Communication skills:  this position requires a very unique set of skills in both written and verbal communication capability.  First, the candidates must provide demonstrable evidence of knowledge of economics and finance without any reference to facts or historical occurrences.  The candidate must be able to speak at great length and not say anything that could possibly be interpreted as a commitment or a defined program of future activity.  This need is paramount and is why special attention will be given to candidates with backgrounds in academia (bureaucrats).  Special note:  if your background includes a combination of academia (bureaucrat) and government work (bureaucrat) – big plus

7.    Inclination to raise interest rates:  nil or next to nil

8.    Inclination to impose discipline upon any existing form or branch of government:  nil or next to nil

9.    Inclination to impose discipline upon any existing form of bank or financial institution:  nil or next to nil

10. Inclination to use the word “discipline”:  absolutely nil

11. Inclination to break up large banking entities:  don’t even mention it

12. Application process:  please submit two essays, on the following topics:

a.    Why I want to be Fed Chairman (please limit yourself to 500 words with an average syllable count of three per word.)

b.    What I envision for QE’s 4 – 12:  include in this essay the following specifics – monthly dollar amount of US security purchases and approximate timing of the QE program (please remember your term will be four years with no guarantee of renewal so your expansion programs must be timed for completion within that term.)  This essay can run up to 600 words and the average syllable count per word needs to be four – extra credit will be given for vagueness and avoidance of any possible negative consequence or outcome

13. Other qualification:  Please include documentation supporting your donations to democrat party candidates (BTW – if you ever given to a republican, don’t bother to apply)

14. Special qualification:  can you make president Obama appear to be a leader?  A great leader?  Can you make sure he gets credit for anything good that might occur in the next three years?  And make sure he doesn’t get blamed for the likely bad things that are going to occur?  Can you?

15. Extra credit essay:  extra credit will be given for a brief essay (no more than 100 words, explaining in simple terms why the republicans are responsible for everything bad and democrats are responsible for everything good.  Average syllable per word – one.  Remember: KISS – this is going out to our electoral base and our fawning media giants, so “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”  This essay will not be returned and all rights to its future use (count on it being used several times in the near future) will accrue to the federal government, current administration only
Compensation:  spectacular and includes salary, benefits, pension and perquisites beyond normal human comprehension (in some cases you will actually think you are a middle eastern potentate.)  We’re talking security details, limousines, private jets, personal chef, valet and concierge.  Not bad for a degree in economics or art history and no real job experience, huh?

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