Blame it on Bush

Confidential Memo – Insiders Only. Do not share! Rahm says that we can stretch this “we inherited it” strategy for at least six more months; probably much longer with mainstream media. They are clueless. Always refer to most recent update before speaking with press. Ask Rahm if you are unclear about any point. Here they are. Things we inherited:

1. War in Iraq - winding it down. We fixed it

2. War in Afghanistan - winding it down. Not going to spend a lot of time on it. Military’s in charge

3. War on Terror – we don’t call it that. We prefer to make nice-nice with our Muslim friends

4. Billion plus peace loving Muslims who don’t like us but we’re going to fix that (see above)

5. Europeans who don’t like us. But they love me and that’s what matters

6. Asians who don’t like us; working on it. Improving trade relations

7. Russians who don’t like us; cancelled the missile shield

8. Who does like us? Time magazine, MSNBC and PBS do. Remember, everybody likes me

9. Dollar worth little compared to almost any other currency. Don’t worry; we’re printing more

10. Two local hemispheric leaders who make fun of our great leaders. We’ve got a nice-nice program for them too

11. Detention camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The people of Illinois want them. More good union jobs. Trust the justice system

12. 7% unemployment. We know how to fix that (see #18 below)

13. Iranian scientists who think they can build a bomb but we are going to talk them out of it. They wouldn’t dare. Gotta get Israel on board

14. Millions of our voters without health care insurance; we cut the coverage seniors paid for and gave it to our voters; real progress; took a hundred years to get this done

15. Sleepy Airport Security. Don’t worry we’re raising their pay. Gonna examine your privates; take some pictures; soon everyone will want to work for TSA

16. No manufacturing jobs. We will create green jobs. Green jobs for Detroit. Rebuild Detroit

17. TARP. What’s TARP? Oh, some money left over. Send it to the California public unions.

18. Stimulus program. Wait a minute; we may have proposed that one. Big deal. It was only $780 billion but it solved the employment problem (see #12 above.) Remember – everything we do solves a Bush problem

19. Deficits past. Obviously not our fault

20. Deficits current. Not our fault. We inherited it

21. Deficits future. Not our fault. Nothing is our fault when it comes to deficits

22. Debt. Never bring up debt. If they bring it up blame Bush. This is the big one. Downplay it at all times. Always under control. We’re watching it. We inherited it. Ben and Timmy are on top of it

23. Dope running the Federal Reserve Bank. Hey, no one else wants the job. Plus he likes to print/print/print. Never realized you could just print money and hand it out. We couldn’t do that in Chicago. Zero interest rates. We borrow for nothing. This is great; just borrow/borrow/borrow at zero interest rates. This job is not that hard

24. Really scary person running the USTreasury Department. We hired a kid; fast learner

25. Melting icebergs. Record warm winters. Should have listened to Al. He’s our hero. Wait a minute. Better to downplay Al and give me credit. We got a plan. Raise the cost, call it something exotic

26. Really screwed up mortgage lending activities at federal agencies but we have given them a blank check so they will fix everything sometime soon. Don’t talk about this one; avoid it if possible; deflect to other topics

27. Really screwed up banks too big to fail. They are getting smaller. (Hey Rahm, the banks are getting smaller, huh?)

28. Walmart. Why does everyone shop at Walmart? We didn’t let ‘em build stores in Chicago. They better watch out. Unions want in big time. We need to keep this one under wraps

29. Totally inexperienced dope running Homeland Security (oops, we may have appointed her; she’s learning on the job.) Example last week of bad show. I had to clean up her mess. That’s a no – no. Always make me look good

30. Financial system failure; we saved it; everything is ok now

31. Two crappy domestic automobile firms – GM and Chrysler but they are about to introduce a battery car that will cost twice what the Japan battery car costs and go at least 40 miles on a charge. Such a deal. Rebuild Detroit

32. Busted large states that consistently vote for just Democrats like Michigan, Illinois, California and New York but it’s not THEIR fault. We now own them and they are on the mend. More votes in November

33. Unions with their sticky fingers always held out for another handout. They like us. Union jobs are good jobs

34. 22 million people working for governments across the land. Good jobs. We saved all of them. Raised their pay. We pay them a lot more than anyone else earns and we give them really cool benefits and really fat retirement programs. They like us. They will vote for us

Summary: Bush made a mess. We’ve pretty much got it cleaned up. Stock market is roaring. We’re a shoo in this November. We inherited the mess. It’s almost fixed. Everybody is feeling much better about things. Remember. Always make me look good. That’s the key to this strategy. Bush bad; me good.