Job Title: Money
Printer and Distributor – Obfuscator
Principal Job Task: Bubble
blowing disguised as serious economic management
Job Description/Requirements:
1.
Principal
function – oversee the printing and distribution of massive amounts of United
States currency – dollars, in all denominations, without any accountability
2.
Principal function #2 – get Hillary elected
president in 2016
3.
Secondary functions:
a.
Fight inflation
b.
Fight unemployment
c.
Fight naysayers
d.
Confuse congressional inquirers
e.
Appear at fancy meetings and conferences
f.
Present an authoritative image via use of multi syllabic words and
lengthy sentence construction
4.
Experience required – nothing practical – high
academic standing most helpful
5.
Education – ideal candidates will have highest
possible achievements in liberal arts curriculum (e.g. art history, English,
economics, European history, etc.) Advanced
degree(s) in any of these fields of study are helpful but honorary degrees will
be carefully considered (preference will be given to honorary degrees from
eastern colleges and universities)
6.
Communication skills: this position requires a very unique set of
skills in both written and verbal communication capability. First, the candidates must provide demonstrable
evidence of knowledge of economics and finance without any reference to facts
or historical occurrences. The candidate
must be able to speak at great length and not say anything that could possibly
be interpreted as a commitment or a defined program of future activity. This need is paramount and is why special
attention will be given to candidates with backgrounds in academia
(bureaucrats). Special note: if your background includes a combination of
academia (bureaucrat) and government work (bureaucrat) – big plus
7.
Inclination to raise interest rates: nil or next to nil
8.
Inclination to impose discipline upon any
existing form or branch of government:
nil or next to nil
9.
Inclination to impose discipline upon any
existing form of bank or financial institution:
nil or next to nil
10. Inclination
to use the word “discipline”: absolutely
nil
11. Inclination
to break up large banking entities:
don’t even mention it
12. Application
process: please submit two essays, on
the following topics:
a.
Why I want to be Fed Chairman (please limit
yourself to 500 words with an average syllable count of three per word.)
b.
What I envision for QE’s 4 – 12: include in this essay the following specifics
– monthly dollar amount of US security purchases and approximate timing of the
QE program (please remember your term will be four years with no guarantee of
renewal so your expansion programs must be timed for completion within that
term.) This essay can run up to 600
words and the average syllable count per word needs to be four – extra credit
will be given for vagueness and avoidance of any possible negative consequence
or outcome
13. Other
qualification: Please include documentation
supporting your donations to democrat party candidates (BTW – if you ever given
to a republican, don’t bother to apply)
14. Special
qualification: can you make president Obama
appear to be a leader? A great
leader? Can you make sure he gets credit
for anything good that might occur in the next three years? And make sure he doesn’t get blamed for the
likely bad things that are going to occur?
Can you?
15. Extra
credit essay: extra credit will be given
for a brief essay (no more than 100 words, explaining in simple terms why the
republicans are responsible for everything bad and democrats are responsible
for everything good. Average syllable
per word – one. Remember: KISS – this is
going out to our electoral base and our fawning media giants, so “Keep It Simple,
Stupid.” This essay will not be returned
and all rights to its future use (count on it being used several times in the
near future) will accrue to the federal government, current administration only
Compensation:
spectacular and includes salary, benefits, pension and perquisites
beyond normal human comprehension (in some cases you will actually think you
are a middle eastern potentate.) We’re
talking security details, limousines, private jets, personal chef, valet and concierge. Not bad for a degree in economics or art
history and no real job experience, huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment