· What’s the big deal with paying pirates a few coins to gain safe passage around the Horn of Africa? We gave the Indians some good stuff and got the island of Manhattan. It only took us 300+ years to turn that deal into crap. Lobbyists pay millions to our representatives and senators each year to gain favor on legislation that produces economic benefits for their clients. We paid France a lot to get their territory and didn’t even realize that one day it would produce the man from Hope, Arkansas. We’re paying $900 million to fix up the Gaza just in time for the next Israeli war games. We’re bailing out every crook and congressman in DC and New York.
· So, TheFundamentals suggests that each vessel traveling through troubled waters prepare a goodie bag filled with worthless US currency and mortgage backed securities and when the ship is approached by those nasty pirates (some of them appear to be almost entering puberty) the official tribute tosser (union leaders/politicians take note – opportunity to add jobs) tosses the bag at the pirate ship and sails on to calmer waters. Robin Hood, Blackbeard and the community organizer, spreading the wealth around. Bring cameras and teleprompters.
· Everybody is happy. In Sicily they call this protection. In the US we call it a political contribution or foreign aid. In the Indian Ocean we’ll call it “booty bag.” Not, of course, to be confused with a “booty call.” The new Secretary of State can explain the difference to her husband.
· Included in the bag could be invitations to appear on Larry King, if he is still breathing. Or, we could send Catie Kouric to Mogadishu to do a live feed from Camp Booty. Show ‘em your legs Catie. Matt can show them his vacation pictures.
· Next Fox TV could do a reality show featuring talented buccaneers capturing vessels at sea. The Donald could fire the ones who fail. Janet Napolitano could hire the failures for TSA. The ones with teeth could do Burger King commercials. The community organizer could do a cameo in which he explains that failed buccaneers also can become teachers and get all the booty they want if they just join the NEA or the AFT and vote for him, of course.
· TheFundamentals can imagine a pirate union specializing in tribute and extortion. Who could run that union you say? Tee-hee-hee. There’s a softball if ever. Anyone from Chicago politics. Maybe one of Rev. Jackson’s progeny? Blagojevich? Richardson? Daschle? This list can go on forever. Please add your favorite(s) for pirate union leader.
· The opportunities are endless. Buccaneer booty, an American political fundamental.
3 comments:
Have them form their own union, HQ in Tampa, where their is another organization using the Buccaneer name. Better yet, make it a farmers' union. They could charge for produce,oh say like corn, for a buck an ear. We could let them teach agrculture at some wayward,socialist college, perhaps where the school colors include maize or blue.
How about Trent Lott, he has served in numerous leadership positions in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, including House Minority Whip, Senate Majority Leader, Senate Minority Leader, and Senate Minority Whip. Lott is the first person to have served as whip in both houses of Congress. His experience with the whip will give him a leg up on the pirates. He can also help Bill out if needed on one of those "booty calls". A whip can have many uses (just like a corrupt politician plays both sides, remember Larry Craig).
Besides his controversial racial remarks regarding Strom Thurmond's presidential candidacy, he has also been quite noticeable when it comes to questionable ethics issues regarding his brother in law Dickie Scruggs.
Lott's resignation from the Senate came just two days before the federal indictment of his brother-in-law trial lawyer Richard Scruggs. Scruggs plead guilty to conspiring to bribe a Mississippi Judge by promising him a federal judgeship appointment using his influence over Lott.
So here we have someone steeped in ethnic and ethics issues. Who better to lead our endeavors into pirate exploitation then an exploiter of the first kind.
THERE IS NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES AND POLITICIANS, WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. AS FOR THE HEAD OF THE PIRATE UNION, I WOULD PICK JANET RENO, SHE LOOKS THE PART AND SHE SHOWED SO MUCH COURAGE WHEN SHE LED THE ATTACK ON ELIAN GONZALEZ WITH MACHINE GUNS.
Post a Comment