NPR: National Paranoia Radio

Americas partially publicly funded radio network apparently believes that those who provide a good portion of the “public funds” via the so-called Corporation for Progressive Broadcasting (aka Corp for Public Broadcasting) suffer from a variety of societal ills which they describe as racism, Islamaphobia and, this one we really think is the nuts – xenophobia. At least the NPR staff and listeners who paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for those fancy unusable east coast college degrees knew what they were talking about, huh? Correction: in the previous sentence we said “staff and listeners who paid.” That is incorrect. Their mommies and daddies and their beloved government paid for the unusable degrees.

First, before we proceed with our analysis of this wondrous NPR enlightenment, we would like to thank the folks at National Paranoia Radio for expanding the conversation on what ails the country. Here we thought it was the unneeded wars and all their costly destruction of lives and the unneeded spending and borrowing and debt that will most likely be repaid with dollars so devalued that it will take wheelbarrows of currency to fill up your gas tank. But no. It is not that complicated at all. It’s not wars and deficits and debt and greedy people at all. It’s that darn middle class; well, let’s call it the way the paranoids did; it’s that darn white middle class of working taxpayers who are afraid of their fellow black Americans and the growing group of Muslim Americans and almost anything else that doesn’t fall into the first two groups but, for the sake of this analysis, let’s just call them foreigners. What’s wrong with America, according to NPR, is what all this time we thought was right with America – the hard working middle class. We have got to get rid of that darn middle class. All those folks who don’t like Negroes; don’t like swarthy people with beards sitting next to them on the airplane and don’t like foreigners.

Thank you NPR for this enlightenment.

Now if you have followed our analysis this far, you might be aksing yourself, “Self, why do they want taxpayer funds from these Neanderthals in the white middle class?” Why not tell them to take their taxpayer money (that’s what we call “public funds”) and keep it? Well, we know and it goes like this:

1. Just because they think you are a Neanderthal does not mean that they won’t take your money to feather their comfy nests and provide fancy liquors and wines at the party’s they hold for their like thinking ilk that frequent places like Davos and the Aspen Institute and Bill Clinton’s global initiative to disrobe interns. As long as they don’t need to talk to you they will take your money. (lesson one)

2. They don’t like elections. Particularly elections just two years after they thought that they had reached the promised land and then all of a sudden the racist xenophobes go and vote out their majorities and replace them with people who talk about cutting back and doing without and acting responsibly. You see, the paranoids were not taught boundaries in their youth. They were taught to change the world. Using, of course, tax monies snitched from the middle class. (lesson two)

3. They are terrified down to their well pedicured little toesies that they might have to go out into the real world and rub elbows with the stinky racist, Islamaphobes and do things like make something or sell something or grow something (eeks.)

4. You see folks, they have no skills. They have degrees but no knowledge. They have traveled but they have not gone anywhere. They debate and discuss but do not challenge themselves. They see and live beyond the present because they are terrified of entering the arena of today and competing. (lesson three)

5. Now to the topic of xenophobia which is particularly intriguing to us in our analysis. The xenophobe is described as one who is afraid of the unknown of the bigger world, the experience that lies outside their carefully and closely placed boundaries. We ask “who is the real xenophobe?” Our neighbor in the middle class who goes to work every day; follows a set of beliefs, of fundamentals about being a good citizen by working, paying taxes, educating their children and looking out for others but not expecting handouts or cushy paychecks with fancy benefits and pensions? Or the person who insulates themselves in a world of unusable degrees paid for by mommy and daddy and government grants and loans and then surrounds themselves with like thinking people from academia and government and not for profits and foundations as they go about the pretension of solving only big problems with other people’s money?

The middle class is not paranoid. It knows when it is being attacked. Taken advantage of. Treated unfairly. Dismissed and disrespected by nonperforming fools who take the money of the middle class and then call them highfalutin names to show their lecture learning lunacy. The middle class does not care if you call them tea party activists or fundamentalists or just what they are: hard working, taxpaying citizens. They are fed up with feeding greedy, do nothing, lazy, over educated fops who self elevate in the name of dreamed about accomplishments.

NPR is a group of paranoid, over educated, under worked fools who are long overdue for a real world comeuppance. It’s called unemployment. Congress (House of Representatives), stick by the bill you passed and let NPR, PBS and CPB survive on their own. Obama calls these three outfits’ worthwhile and important priorities. Keep that in mind in 2012. In the meantime, no taxpayer money to these pandered fops.