Opportunity Knocks for John Boehner

Dateline: Monday, August 1, 2011
Location: John Boehner’s Washington DC home
Time: Early in the morning

Opportunity Knocks: Knock, knock, knock.

John Boehner: Who’s there?

OK: It’s me, John Boehner, opportunity. Open the door.

JB: Go away. I’m trying to get some sleep. I was at the white house all last night.

OK. Knock, knock, knock. Open up John Boehner this is the opportunity of your lifetime.

JB: Go away I say. I’m tired. I don’t want any more opportunities.

OK: John Boehner this is your chance to put an end to the deficits and the debt and the sure destruction that they will bring.

JB: No, go away; can’t you see that no one else believes that.

OK: John Boehner, who cares what they believe. You know that deficits and debt lead to destruction. You know you can stop it.

JB: No, they will blame me for everything if I say no.

OK: Blame you for what? For fixing things?

JB: When granny doesn’t get her check they will blame me. When credit card interest goes up, they will blame me. When the economy crashes they will blame me.

OK: John, that’s a lot of crap. Granny will get her check and credit card interest is already sky high and the economy has already crashed. This is your opportunity to fix it.

JB: Sure, tell that to the dopes at PBS, ABS, CBS, Fox, CNN and NBC.

OK: John, someone has to say no to the spending. Someone has to say no to the borrowing. That someone is you. They elected you leader. This is your opportunity to lead.

JB: I’m only one guy. The other guys control the senate and the presidency. Go see them.

OK: I did. They don’t get it. They like the deficits and the debt and all the borrowing. It makes them feel like they are doing something really, really important. It also buys them a really, really big bunch of votes. It’s up to you.

JB: No. I’m just a poor boy from Ohio. I can’t keep up with all the slicksters from the big cities.

OK: John, you can do it. You have many standing firm with you and many more will follow if you lead. You can lead the others. You can stop all the spending silliness. It is in your job description to write the spending bills; not theirs.

JB: No. Leave me alone. I just want to go along to get along.

OK: Knock, knock, knock. Opportunity only knocks once John. This is your time; this is your moment. The other guy is on the ropes; he is holding a bad hand; he is bluffing you John. This is your moment. It will not come again. All eyes are on you.

JB: Go see Mitch McConnell.

OK: I did. He folded before I even got there.

JB: Go see Michelle Bachmann

OK: I did. She will stand with you.

JB: Yeah, that figures.

OK: Knock, knock, knock.

JB: Go away. Please go away. I can’t do it.

OK: John, the people need you. They are waiting for you.

JB: Go away. I need to get some sleep. We’re going to sign Obama’s deal tomorrow. It’s the comfortable way out.  We're setting up a committee to deal with the mess.

OK: That’s no deal. All the debt in two years; peanuts for savings ten years out.  It's your job; not a committee's job.  Committee's never work.

JB: It’s my deal now. I sold out. He said he would be nice to me if I went along.

OK: Open up John. This is your last chance.

OK: John, open up.

OK: John….